I haven't gotten very far.

I swear to you, at 3:21AM, 12 hours after leaving Missoula, I am no further than Vegas. By the time I leave this town, I could have ridden here. Truth.

Remember the Ashcroft comments?

Hurting me now.

I don't know if its actually him, but its like your house burning on Christmas....you can't help but wonder at least for a moment if it isn't payback for something.

So I got rerouted to Salt Lake at 6pm. Delayed there until 10pm. Finally caught a ride, and only needed to roll away 3 hours. But wait....a twist.

Some dim blonde was talking to me about blah blah blah, and I didn't hear what the lady announced about the flight I was to catch at 1am. Finally she shut up about how awesome she was, and I heard them say zone 1 can now board.

Super! I gotta be zone 1 right....I mean, I did get upgraded to 1st class the whole way. (I truly am magical sometimes what I can get done). So I go up, they scan my card....buzzzzz! Frowning.

I ask whats up, and I am told that seat is taken, so talk to this guy right here. So, I talk to him...he says "weird, your seat was reassigned between Salt Lake and here, but no problem, I will put you in 4C....still first class." He smiles, I smile. On I go.

On the plane, I turn the corner at the door, dying to slide into my big leather chair and sleep, and see way more people than seats.

The waitress (which lets me honest, that's what she is) says to me: "Hummm hun, there is no seat available, why don't you go back up and ask them again." She smiles, I sneer. Wish I had really bad gas, or could muster one of those burps that makes you turn your head suddenly as though you just saw someones ass crack in isle 3.

So I go back to guy at top of runway.....weave through the smiling people that are quite certain now they have a seat since I clearly ain't gettin one.

Guy smiles. "Really? You know, I should have checked before I sent you down there!".

All I hear him saying to me is: "Kill me and eat me! I taste like chicken!"

20 mins later, and help from a non-union employee, and I got free airfare world wide, two 20 dollar meal vouchers, a direct flight from here to Miami non-stop in first class, getting me in a mere 2 hours later than the second fuck up.

So now....2pm I am supposed to be on the ground in Miami....lets hope I don't hit the ground.

Either this is a bad sign, or I am getting all the crap out right away. Tomorrow will tell the story.

BTW - you would be amazed at how little anyone does at 3am in the airport. The all have brooms and stuff, but they don't move.